What would R2-D2 say if he could speak English?

Before Minions, before Groots, before BB-8, there was only one unsung hero in our hearts…R2-D2. But did you ever wonder what he was actually saying?

Ok, probably not. But we got some geek mythology here for you anyway. We always knew that R2 had an attitude, but recently I encountered a kid who was decked out in an R2-D2 outfit, playing with R2-D2 figures. When I asked if he was also a fan of C-3PO, the kid denounced him angrily, claiming that 3PO was too mean to his hero R2.

This random wise kid got me thinking. If the films only show 3PO’s side of the conversation, who exactly is the mean one?

There is a rough draft of what became Star Wars: A New Hope titled The Star Wars and it featured an R2-D2 (named Artwo) who spoke English. And it turns out…he is just as mean as we imagined!

The script described him as “a short, (three feet) claw-armed tri-pod. His face is a mass of computer lights, surrounding a radar eye.” Most of the rough draft is a far-cry from the film, but many of 3PO’s reactions to R2’s verbal sparring are among the few things that remain.

You’re a mindless, useless philosopher… Come on! Let’s go back to work -Artwo

MARVEL produced The Star Wars script as a graphic novel by J.W. Rinzler in 2015. It centers around a young Jedi student named Annikin Starkiller and his Jedi Bendu master, named…Luke Skywalker. The duo team up with a group of rebels to fight an empire, which sounds familiar at first glance.

Cover art for book 1 of The Star Wars by J.W. Rinzler

The unused concept art for The Star Wars inspired the artwork for Rinzler’s graphic novel. His biggest struggle was in deciding how much of the book should resemble the films, and how much of it should deviate, especially in places where gaps needed filling. As Rinzler put it:

Stick too close to what has been established in the films and your efforts may be percieved as derivative or bland. Stray too far from established designs and you risk losing the flavor altogether. So how do you make the exotic more exotic?” -Rinzler

Going back to the droids at hand, R2 and 3PO still crash on a desert planet in the rough draft. Akira Kurosawa’s 1960 film The Hidden Fortress, which told its story from the point of view of two cowardly, bumbling peasants, inspired George Lucas for the story of Star Wars.

Via Criterion on Twitter

The constant (and often endearing) bickering that we remember between the droids suddenly makes more sense in this context, since the story is told from their perspective.

R2 and 3PO wandering through a desert while being at each other’s throats (does R2 have a throat?) is a plot element that surfaces in every draft.

It just so happens that R2-D2’s lines were later replaced with beeping and whirring. The rough draft-turned-graphic novel offers a glimpse of R2-D2’s personality before his vocals were cut.

3PO showing off his herculean strength in The Star Wars

Artwo wasn’t always so mean, however. He saved some lives throughout this story as he does in the films. His relation with 3PO may have its ups and downs, but the two remain inseparable no matter what.

George Lucas stated that R2 is his favorite character, and he intended for R2 to save the day at least once per film.

Artwo being his usual badass self in The Star Wars

Other massive differences include a Han Solo who is a green alien creature called an Ureallian and Chewbacca… who is still Chewbacca-ish, except he has no affiliation with the green Solo. Darth Vader was not a sith and Princess Leia had two small twin brothers.

Luke Skywalker and Han Solo messing with our brains in The Star Wars

Overall, reading The Star Wars felt like taking a left turn while knowing that my destination required a right. My mind wanted things to be constructed a certain way, but the classic rules don’t apply here because everything feels upside down.

Though it uses names and locations differently from what we’re used to, it was worth the read just to see how it planted the initial seeds, while comparing it to the blossomed product. Instead of “may the force be with you,” we say “may the force of others be with you” around these parts.

What do you think the world would be like if this version had been put to film? can you sleep at night knowing there could ever be a universe in which Han is a green dude who never met Chewie?

I only know one thing for sure. The level of badassery that R2-D2 and his crew of Jawas display in Scarlett Bustamante’s artwork below is precisely the level of badassery that I aspire to have. If you wish to shop for this or other prints at Scarlett’s Etsy page, find them here. For more of her work on Instagram, go here.

Note: Scarlett currently has pins of this artwork for sale on her Instagram. DM her if you want to nab one!

Until next time, may the force (of others) be with you all.

By Michael Gonzalez

 

 

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